Did we get The Tuxedo from the Tuxedo? // The first freeze frame moment of my life [111]
F**kface #111 · published 2022-07-13 · archive #120

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[0:00:30] Geoff: Oh, and welcome to another episode of the F**kface Podcast. My name is Geoff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free, neither of whom are American. Just thought I'd throw that out there. This is episode 111 of season four, year three, volume one. I have a question. Yeah.
[0:01:05] Gavin: Um, well, I, I sort of opened discord maybe 10 minutes ago and there was no one in here. So I'm wondering, did we have some extremely short pleasantries again? Dude, let me tell you about the pleasantries.
[0:01:18] Geoff: Go ahead, Geoff. I logged in. I logged in. I saw Andrew and Nick were already in. So I hopped in at two 57 to have pleasantries and I hopped in. And the first thing I heard Andrew say is, and that's the end of that conversation. We'll pick this up at a later date.
[0:01:32] Gavin: Oh, this is, um, this is a weird one. This is not on our normal day. This is almost an emergency F**kface meeting.
[0:01:40] Geoff: Dude, not, not only is it, yeah. And I, I was telling Andrew before, uh, I have so f**king much to talk about. Gavin, you know about a lot of it. Uh, there's one thing that happened to me this morning that you don't know about though. Uh, I have so much to f**king talk about, but all I care about is a tuxedo. So I'm just going to list my notes and then if we get to them, we get to them, but at least they're on the page, but at least they're on the recording. And so I'll remember to get back to them someday. So I'm going to say, uh, here's my notes real fast. Boot stamp, uh, fart movie, new laptop, hi Disney, buy Disney, high seas, high five, Gavin doorbell dream. Oh, that's another one. You don't know about Gavin, uh, wrecked car gets wrecked and prepare to yell at Andrew about tuxedo. So Andrew, uh, let's get into the tuxedo.
[0:02:25] Andrew: We go right to the, well, before we get to the tuxedo, I just want Gavin to know it was a shorter pleasantry period. And I was very stressed about that. I was getting ready, hop in for some quality, quality pleasantries at like 1247 my time. And I was like, you know what? Got to use the bathroom. So I went to use the bathroom. It was a larger bathroom trip than I anticipated. Thought it was fast. You shawled away your pleasantries, didn't you? Well, it was a real problem. I was sitting on the toilet, looking at the clock, like I'm running out of pleasantry time. I want to talk to Nick about some things before Jeff gets here and he typically gets here five minutes before.
[0:02:56] Gavin: So were you opposed to joining the discord from the toilet? Just to have pleasantries with Nick through your phone?
[0:03:01] Andrew: Not opposed to it, but I guess it didn't, it didn't occur to me. I was thinking about all the things that I need to discuss because a lot has happened since we personally had the tuxedo. Why, why did we bleep that in the most recent episode? That was the thing that was bleeped a million times. I don't understand why we did that. Why did we do that?
[0:03:18] Gavin: You're an idiot. You're such a stupid bastard. What do you mean? I don't understand how this is my fault. Because that came out before the freaking auction. And that's the exact conversation I was trying to have with you where you were like, oh, with this, we don't have clearance to land. I was like, that episode hasn't come out yet. We still have time to bleep it. What's amazing to me is that when I proofed it, there weren't any bleeps. So I don't know when it got bleeped. There was a missing bleep and a tuxedo came out.
[0:03:47] Geoff: Yeah, but it didn't come out hard. It only came out to the people who were paying extra attention.
[0:03:51] Andrew: It was like an extra. Well, I mean, so the tuxedo itself ended up being the one of the last items in that block of auction period. So it was on Thursday. The auction started on Tuesday. The tuxedo aspect of it happened on a Thursday. But it takes like several days to make your account for it. So that's why I didn't get why it was bleeped. Because even if it was before, unless somebody already had an account, it just felt like a niche thing. So I didn't know why that happened.
[0:04:18] Gavin: But I guess you were saying it shouldn't have been bleeped because it takes so long to get an account.
[0:04:22] Andrew: Yeah, like even though possibly the auction could have happened if our lot was on Tuesday. I didn't realize how it worked at the time. But also it takes several days to like get approved. You have to get you have to send in a lot of stuff. It's a whole process.
[0:04:34] Geoff: It takes you several days. Who knows if it takes an average person several days. No, it takes everybody.
[0:04:39] Gavin: Nick has supplied some more info. He said only on first for a few hours, unfortunately, Eric made the call on the day we turned in the final version. So it was a mad dash to edit. So Eric said day of it needs to be bleeped. Is that what you're saying?
[0:04:54] Andrew: I guess so.
[0:04:55] Geoff: Based on what Nick said. Well, I will say people seemed to really like the bleeps the day before. They liked the bleeps? Yeah, they thought it was like so bleepy it was comical.
[0:05:06] Gavin: Because we were talking about it. The reason it was bleeped the week before was because we didn't know whether we're going to talk about it. What we discussed in that one is that it is now fine to talk about. And then after that, we realized Andrew's done the maths wrong.
[0:05:20] Andrew: No, my math was correct. That's what I'm arguing. I don't know why this was wrong. Well, you know, you're yelling at me. It's very possible I did. But I don't think we needed the bleeps. I think it doesn't matter. Get away from bleeps.
[0:05:31] Geoff: By the way, just for the audience that is desperately trying to understand what the fuck is going on, this is the Jackie Chan tuxedo from the movie Tuxedo that we were going to buy at auction. We got Rooster Tooth to agree to let us spend up to $3,000 to buy the tuxedo, which they expected to go for $2,000. And then we put it in Andrew's incredibly capable hands. And I knew in the moment we agreed to do that, it was a mistake.
[0:05:57] Andrew: So when I was, I feel like I was the one that was pushing for this idea the hardest. And I thought it would be so funny for us all to watch the auction together and we could bid on it and go through the highs and the lows of trying to secure it. That was my vision for it. Literally every other person involved with the show was out. They were away. So it was just me by myself. And that was terrifying because I got given the Eric card, which by myself is a lot of responsibility. It was very terrifying to add that to my account. I had an all time dumb moment where Eric sent me the card as two images, like the front of the card or the back of the card. And he sent me the photo of the front and I was putting that in and I instinctually grabbed my phone and looked at the back of it to put in the bottom, the back of the card. Like I didn't swap photos. I'm so used to like looking at a card and then just twisting it over for the verification number. I physically looked at the back of my phone. So that's a great start. But then I went into the auction because this is Tuesday and our lot is until Thursday.
[0:06:59] Andrew: And I thought, I've never like experienced this before. It could be fun to just kind of get a feel for it and see what like maybe I can learn a strategy from this. And so I'm not really paying attention. And the item up is like some outfit from Star Trek, like one of the Star Trek shows. And it's expected to go between like $600 to like a thousand or something like that. And I looked and it was currently at $20,000 was the bid active. And I wasn't really paying attention. Then I thought I bumped my keyboard and I was convinced that I placed a $25,000 bid on a piece of Star Trek memorabilia. So that was terrifying. I thought I died. I had to quadruple check, make sure I was all good. That was fine. Void that. So then I was scared to even open the auction. I have a question.
[0:07:46] Gavin: Until tuxedo time.
[0:07:47] Andrew: Go ahead.
[0:07:47] Gavin: My headphones went off for about two straight minutes. Then what did I miss?
[0:07:53] Geoff: Andrew may or may not have accidentally bid $22,000 on a Star Trek outfit.
[0:07:59] Gavin: Okay. So we're not at the tuxedo yet? No. Okay. Sorry. All right.
[0:08:03] Andrew: Before we get to the tuxedo, I just want to. How would you guys feel? I'm just hypothetically throwing this out there. How would you feel instead of if we got the tuxedo, we had like a variety of maybe smaller items that were kind of show related and fit as just, I wanted to read on that because I was told I could spend to the cap. So if we had extra money after the tuxedo or if we just missed entirely, I could still try to acquire things.
[0:08:30] Geoff: Well, I just, no, I wouldn't, I wouldn't say there was any, any hint of, uh, of approval for that.
[0:08:37] Andrew: No, I asked for it and I got approval. I didn't, I asked, I talked, I would say it's not worth spending
[0:08:41] Gavin: the money on smaller things that we're not as passionate about. Unless it's something that really fits.
[0:08:48] Geoff: Like the only thing I was interested in was the tuxedo. So I guess it would, yeah, it would depend on what the other stuff is.
[0:08:54] Andrew: So there's a variety. I put some of them in the chat. They made, uh, for the Fast and Furious movie, a Dom Toretto license, a Shrek on it for some reason. I thought that was great. They were actually auctioned off the, uh, bowling hat, pins and balls from the bowling scene and the Flintstones movie. It's like that show specific. Um, the thing I was most excited about is right after the tuxedo was the baseball outfit from the, the Twilight movie and the baseball scene, which is a great, one of the greatest scenes in that whole series. We're kind of a baseball show. So I thought we had room.
[0:09:25] Gavin: We're not really a Twilight show.
[0:09:27] Andrew: No, but I mean, we're kind of a baseball show and it's an iconic baseball podcast. Yeah. And then that's a baseball equipment. I'd say a uniform and all that. Um, so it got to auction day. I made, I made a strategic decision on this. What are you laughing at, Jeff?
[0:09:45] Geoff: I'm fucking hate you.
[0:09:47] Andrew: Why do you hate me? I'm just telling you what happened. I'm explaining all the details.
[0:09:50] Geoff: If this doesn't end, if this doesn't end and us getting that fucking tuxedo and we end up with the goddamn Twilight merchandise.
[0:09:56] Gavin: Thousands of dollars on something else, haven't you? That's what you've done.
[0:09:59] Andrew: No, I'm not saying any, I'm just trying to get to where we're at. So I, I made a realization. I did my research because I was the only one that showed up and it was my responsibility. I was told strictly cannot go over 3K. That's the max, not a penny over.
[0:10:14] Geoff: Doesn't mean go to 3K.
[0:10:16] Andrew: No, it's not what I did. You're just making assumptions of what happened. So I made the choice. Because Gavin, before you tell us,
[0:10:23] Gavin: are we going to, do you predict we're going to be pleased with what you've done or not?
[0:10:27] Andrew: I, I, no spoilers for that. But let me ask you, let me ask you a question.
[0:10:32] Geoff: Let me ask you a question. Go ahead. Am I going to have to, am I going to have to use my founder card to smooth stuff over after this? I don't think so.
[0:10:40] Gavin: For a split second, I thought that was a special credit card that you have.
[0:10:45] Geoff: Well, I do have, I am a member of the Founders Club, which does give you a card, which gives you discounts on hotels. But this is more like founded the company and I can get us out of a jam if I need to. I really hate doing that though.
[0:10:57] Andrew: No, no, I would, if I would have spent 30,000 on Star Trek merchandise though, I would expect you to use the founder card to literally murder me. That would be fine. I'd approve that, that, that decision. But so what I learned in the auction is that there's a minimum bid and then there's their projected windows for bids. And I think Gavin, you've said that you've used this site before. So maybe you know about this. I don't know. But essentially the minimum bid is below what their lowest expected amount is. But unless the bid hits the lowest expected amount, they will not sell you the item. They'll just not offer it to you. So I think the lowest, exactly. So I think the lowest bid you could place on the tuxedo was $1,000. But their lowest entry point to buy it was 2,000. Now there's also fees. There's like 30% in like additional charges based on how much your bid is. And then there's taxes and there's shipping. So I did the math and I determined that essentially the most we could spend is 2,000.
[0:11:59] Andrew: Which is the floor for getting the tuxedo. I would have paid the extra if you would have texted me.
[0:12:05] Gavin: I was told specifically. I also talked about this last time. I warned you that we would need more than that.
[0:12:10] Geoff: Yeah, and that we all agreed. Gavin and I both agreed. We said we'd put money in. Well, you weren't there, first of all. And second of all.
[0:12:16] Andrew: I'm always a text away. I'm always a text away. I was told specifically not to cross 3,000. Your issues with Eric and is not with me. I was told to not cross 3,000. So I put 2,000 in. And then I asked Nick if he wanted to do the auction with me. And even he was busy. It's something going on at that exact time. So I recorded and Nick captured the video of it. We have the 17 minutes going into the tuxedo and the tuxedo itself. And we had the minimal bid that we could possibly have to get it. If anyone, if a single person would bid a cent over us, I could not counter that based on what my instructions were. And we got to the tuxedo.
[0:12:56] Geoff: Dude, you've done some interpolation with those instructions. Nobody said anything about shipping costs and taxes and stuff. We just told you to spend $3,000 on the damn tuxedo. You were not part of the... We would have worked the rest out.
[0:13:07] Andrew: Jeff, hey, dictionary kid. Shut up for a minute. I'm talking about conversations I had with somebody else that wasn't you. I think Andrew's actually been
[0:13:16] Gavin: very responsible here.
[0:13:18] Andrew: I've been so responsible you're just yelling at me for no reason. So I put the bid in and I watched in fear by myself because nobody else was around and terror. And I'm delighted to say that we own the fucking tuxedo and finalized it today.
[0:13:33] Gavin: We got it. Not a single person bid on it. No one wanted it. Oh my God.
[0:13:41] Geoff: We have it. That is the best news ever.
[0:13:45] Gavin: Dude! Congratulations! Andrew, you've taken something. You took it on your own and you nailed it. That never happens.
[0:13:53] Geoff: Andrew, I gotta say I believed in you from the start. I knew you were gonna pull this off. I was just telling Eric the other day we were in California together. I was like, trust in Andrew. You always gotta trust in Andrew. He'll never steer you wrong 100% of the time. Oh my God. That's amazing.
[0:14:07] Andrew: So it was terrifying. And as I said, I don't know if we're gonna release it or what it will look like, but there's 17 minutes of me reacting to items in the auction and then watching it happen live and he wanted, the auctioneer wanted so badly for any other action from anyone. He was desperate. He was like, this is, I would just wear this out. This is a great tuxedo. This is fantastic. Go on once. This is a great tux. Everyone, look at how great this, Jackie Chan wore this. Go on twice. Fair warning. That's cheaper than a lot of tuxedos. I looked at it. It's cheaper. Well, it's not cheaper. It's like $700 more than buying an Armani tux from like new. Correct. Yeah. It's not that much of a difference. We got a savings and we got the full outfit. We got a shirt that has harness holes in the back of it. We're missing a few buttons, but we can make it work. Can you imagine
[0:14:57] Gavin: buying that tuxedo just in a store and then they offer you a $700 upgrade to Jackie Chan's one? You would do it, right? It's not that much more.
[0:15:06] Andrew: I love the idea of them offering that as an option of like, okay, so you could get this one or Jackie Chan has worn this $700 more. What do you think?
[0:15:18] Geoff: Jackie Chan's, Jackie Chan did Kung Fu in that tuxedo and we're going to, we own it now.
[0:15:25] Andrew: Yeah. Oh, we own the one from movie. It's not even a situation where it sounds like there were multiples like this was the one. This is what they used. This is the fucking thing. So that was exciting and terrifying. I was just sweating, yelling like, fucking hit the, hit the gavel, hit it. Cause like, stall, why are you stalling? Why? Like he kept stretching it out. It was terrible. It was very exciting.
[0:15:50] Geoff: I, I had had it in my head that we were going to end up with like a catcher's mitt from Twilight and Dominic Toretto's Shrek driver's license. And I just wanted, in my head, I'd already worked through it. We were just going to put it on display just like we were going to do with the tuxedo, but it was just going to be like in a glass case all bundled together that just said, not the tuxedo.
[0:16:13] Andrew: I genuinely was excited about the Twilight baseball thing after it, but it went for $4,000. So it went way over. It was huge. Like people, it's an iconic scene from that movie. Yeah. I also had the thought of like, okay, now I have it. I'm the only one here that knows that. How much do I want to fuck with you two about the fact we missed it or not? A tremendous amount, I would imagine. What could I do? A little bit, but I didn't want it to be like so exhausting that you weren't even excited that we got it. Like I felt like there was a fine line of like reverse salad creaming of where I did the right thing, but I still fucked it up.
[0:16:48] Gavin: I didn't think you had it at all because Jeff and I had to trick the universe yesterday into hanging out at the last second and we were both pretty convinced that we didn't have it.
[0:16:56] Geoff: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Oh man, but we did, we did knock off a bucket list thing yesterday and we filmed it. Oh yeah. Should I post it
[0:17:04] Gavin: in the Discord?
[0:17:06] Geoff: Uh, yeah. Yeah, might as well. But let me just say, Oh, you make a pizza? All kidding aside, Andrew, I know a second ago I did that, I did the funny thing where I was like, I talked about how I always believed in you and I never doubted you for a second. All kidding aside, I didn't for one second think you would pull this off. I was convinced you would screw it up and you didn't and I want you to know you have got the biggest get out of salad creaming free card from me. Uh, you can cash in whenever you want. The, uh, final total. You've got to, you've got to like, get out of Greg free card where like next time, whatever it is, I don't care. I'll just, I will turn the other cheek.
[0:17:46] Andrew: Between the fees and the shipping and everything, it costs like $2,700 for the tuxedo. That is a bargain. So we even went under the cap. So we're great. That is a bargain. But I'd love to see what bucket list, I'm assuming it's the pizza would be my guess. No, no. Oh, okay. Well,
[0:18:02] Geoff: first off, let me just say this. Uh, I mentioned kind of hilariously that Gavin and I tried to go to Vegas together for a vacation and I was going to go to the NBA finals and, uh, Emily got COVID and so that like two days before the trip we had to cancel, right? Well, in the back of our heads it was okay because two weeks later I had this trip to VidCon in Anaheim that I had to go do a panel at which if you don't know what VidCon is, you're lucky. Don't look it up. You don't need to know. It's not a fun time. Uh, I, although I did get to experience Eric Badour experience, uh, VidCon for the first time. I wish he was here to talk about it. He was, it was, it was really funny watching his unfiltered opinions of everything that was going on. Uh, anyway, so, uh, because of that, I, uh, I said, hey, Emily, let's go back. We, you know, we went to, before the pandemic started, we went to Disneyland with Vanessa, uh, who's one of the early, she's one of the people that got the bat, the original bats, uh, Emily's best friend and her husband
[0:19:02] Geoff: and so we planned to use my work trip to go to, to Disneyland and so went down there. Uh, they were going to meet me the next day. Uh, Emily got in, flew down. I did my panel for VidCon, got out of my panel, met Eric. We did a podcast, a different podcast, just the two of us for a non-face podcast. We did the animal one, got out of that podcast. Emily called me and was like, uh, Henry collapsed. He had a heart problem. We have to go back home and we immediately got on a plane and went back to Austin. Henry's fine, by the way. He, he, uh, he's okay. Uh, but, uh, so we had to leave in the middle of the trip and I'd never stepped foot in Disneyland and we had to come home but we made lemonade because Gavin and I went jet skiing on Sunday.
[0:19:44] Andrew: I see you've posted a video.
[0:19:46] Geoff: Oh yeah, yeah. I meant to say, Gavin, I went jet skiing and then at that point in my head, the video would play for everybody. Okay. But you probably have to hit play. Oh yeah, yeah,
[0:19:53] Andrew: play on this.
[0:19:58] Gavin: I feel like that was
[0:20:06] Andrew: the least thrilling version of what just happened but that is definitely, that's definitely a bucket list item. That is a high seas high five, buddy.
[0:20:14] Geoff: Gavin and I did a high five on jet skis.
[0:20:17] Gavin: And that cheer, that, that like shout from me after it happens, that isn't me cheering, that's me screaming in agony because it hurts so much even at like five miles an hour which I think is the slowest I can go on that thing. It hurts so much. My hand hurt for like four hours after we went.
[0:20:36] Geoff: I kept looking over and he was like, he shook it for the rest of the day. So we're working our way up though. That's a five mile an hour high five on jet skis. Yes, we, that's the final attempt. We did it three times. The first time we did definitely hit each other. One before that,
[0:20:55] Gavin: we high five and I immediately crashed into Jeff's jet ski which caused Emily to like rock back and accidentally stop recording. Oh no. So next time
[0:21:04] Andrew: we don't have a video of that? Oh, we do, but this was, we did. Yeah. Oh, I feel like that's the better video honestly than the one that you put out.
[0:21:11] Geoff: But this was a much better high five than the one that Gavin showed.
[0:21:13] Andrew: Yeah, but I feel like the footage is better for the other one. This is just like a, it's good, but it's not, I don't know.
[0:21:20] Geoff: So the next, next step is we got to hit ramps. We're going to do it in the air. That's a huge step.
[0:21:26] Andrew: That's, what do you mean? That's the next step. I feel like there's so many steps between those two things. What about aiming for like seven miles per hour instead of adding air? Oh, is this another one? Is this the crash one? This is the one where I yell at him.
[0:21:41] Geoff: So you're riding up.
[0:21:48] Andrew: Well, that's a good one again. There's a little bit of, no, that was the,
[0:21:52] Gavin: that was the bump and then Emily always fell off and stopped recording. And what you can't see really in that one is that I'm like stuck sideways at the beginning because for some reason the jet ski turned off. So for the, for the run up of that, I'm trying to figure out how to turn on my jet ski again.
[0:22:09] Andrew: That was fun. Yeah. I mean, it looks great. I think it's a great starting point. We definitely now know that this is possible. Oh, super possible. Super possible.
[0:22:18] Gavin: Working out the specific proof of concept.
[0:22:20] Andrew: It's fantastic. Yeah. It's a great way to put it.
[0:22:22] Geoff: The most badass bike stunt starts with the smallest of bunny hops. It takes a little bit of time. Yeah. Work your way up. We're going to get there. We're going to get there.
[0:22:30] Andrew: I can't wait.
[0:22:32] Geoff: And Gavin and I made a lot of lemonade out of the fact that I have had two vacations in a row canceled. And this one, literally, I, Emily, we flew to LA. Emily flew to LA, had lunch, and then got back on a plane and went home. She's so annoying. I slept in the same bed the whole time. Oh, it's terrible. Oh, my God. Speaking of another adorable thing Henry did, let me show you a photo. I'll, oh, man. Is it the least favorite thing for you guys when I have to try to do this stuff?
[0:23:05] Andrew: really? Well, it depends. Sometimes it can be so bad, it's great. If it's just in the middle, it's not as fun. This was on,
[0:23:13] Geoff: the day before we left for, for Los Angeles, I was working on my laptop and I set it down on this little bench, little leather bench by my bed. And when I came back five minutes later, see, Henry, Henry is, he's, he's an elder gentleman now. So, we dress him at all times in a bow tie and a diaper because he's, he has accidents. I forgot to put the diaper on him and he, he peed 37 gallons directly onto my laptop. So, when I came back to pick up my laptop, it just, urine fell out of all the ports.
[0:23:53] Gavin: That's so much piss. That's a colossal amount of piss. Can we also know how unironically the picture's the wrong way as well? Yeah. Well, it's me.
[0:24:02] Andrew: I was thinking about the classic Jeff photo.
[0:24:04] Geoff: Uh, so I, uh, had to buy a new laptop that day. That guy. No. Yeah. Just dead.
[0:24:11] Andrew: Oh no. Straight up dead. Uh, he didn't mean it. No, I can't. That's so much, it looks like a Rorschach of piss. Like the way that it, it bends and,
[0:24:22] Geoff: out of all the places for the pee, I'm glad it was on my laptop. Uh, hey, I got a, piss boil into my, I got a brand new, uh, MacBook Air. So, I mean, it's the M1 chipset. Hey, congratulations. A brand new old MacBook Air. It's obsolete as of July.
[0:24:38] Unidentified: But, yeah.
[0:24:39] Gavin: I needed a laptop for work, so what am I gonna do? Could you just wait a month for a, you know, to not have a laptop? No.
[0:24:45] Geoff: Another funny thing, while we're talking about shit that's costing me money, uh, did I tell you guys that I, I, I wrecked my car recently? No. I don't know. You wrecked my car? I wrecked your car. Not bad. Not bad. So, I have a one, I have two cars and a one car garage, or one car driveway. And so, when I had my yard work done, I had them like, eek out as much of a second area as possible. So now I have like, a one and three quarter driveway. So to get my car in the driveway requires some like, Austin Powers-ing around shit. But I'm used to it. I'm good at it. I, I, I enjoy the challenge. But the other day, I was in a hurry. About a month ago, I was in a hurry. And I just, I was just like, taking Millie somewhere, and I was stressed out, and I wasn't paying attention. And I, I clipped this pole, pulling out of my driveway. And so, I just scraped a bunch of paint off the driver's side of my passenger, or my rear door. And so, I took it to a collision place,
[0:25:45] Geoff: or I took it to BMW, and then they told me the place to get it repaired. And so, I took it to these guys. I had to get on a waiting list for three weeks, because they're so busy. Finally, last Wednesday, I dropped it off, because I was going out of town. I was going to be at, you know, I dropped it off, and then I started immediately getting, like, really verbose texts from them, like, hey, just want to let you know we removed the quarter panel, and we started spraying the quarter panel, and when that's done, then we're going to do this, and that, and just, like, a ton of information. It was, like, really cool. Then, at Friday, while Emily and I were running around trying to get back to Austin, I missed a couple phone calls, and I thought, that's weird. And I was ignoring it, because I was trying to drive from Anaheim back to LAX, and book a flight and stuff. And, I got a text after that that was like, hey, it's so-and-so from the collision place. Hey, give me a call on Monday about your car when you get a chance. And I looked at Emily, and I thought, that's bad. And she's like, what do you mean? He just wants you to talk on Monday. And I'm like, yeah, but every other text
[0:26:46] Geoff: I've gotten from these guys has been really informed, like, overly so, you know? And this is just sort of a, sort of a, hey, just give me a call when you get a chance, very vague. And I thought, that's not, they've done something to my car. And she's like, you're being paranoid. So this morning, when I woke up, the first thing I did was call them. And he was like, yeah, gee, really sorry about this. We had your car already. It was all painted, and we got it all set up. And then we were gonna drive it over to BMW for a certification. We got to certify these, you know, cameras or whatever and get them calibrated there. And, well, we were pulling out and, well, we hit, we got into a car accident with your car. No. No.
[0:27:28] Gavin: They wrecked my car. And after they fixed it,
[0:27:32] Geoff: they wrecked it. So they're like, you know, obviously, we're gonna repair it and we'll get it certified by BMW and it won't cost you a dime and we're really sorry, but we're gonna need it another week because we wrecked your car.
[0:27:45] Gavin: What did they do? Were they hitting the car? Were they just...
[0:27:48] Geoff: They got something, somebody in a truck ran into it. Oh my god!
[0:28:02] Andrew: While they... So when do you, you get your car back next week? At this point? I was supposed to get it today.
[0:28:08] Geoff: Now I think, hopefully I get it Friday. Emily was like, man, you were way cooler about that than I would have been and I was just like, I do, I mean, fucking... Well, I mean, as long as it's their insurance, right? It's just time. They're fixing it, but it's like, at this point, like, sure, why not? Throw it on the pile. Fucking... Who fucking cares? I already... We already ate two entire vacations to Vegas and Disneyland in the last two weeks. Why not? I just bought a new laptop for no reason. Like, I'm trying to look
[0:28:39] Gavin: at the Rorschach of piss to see if there's a car crash in there that I can spot. Oh my god.
[0:28:45] Andrew: Ugh. So when did the laptop happen in relation to the car? Was this after?
[0:28:51] Geoff: Yeah, the laptop... I dropped the car off Wednesday morning. Henry peed on the laptop Wednesday afternoon.
[0:28:59] Andrew: Okay, so you didn't know that your car was gonna get destroyed?
[0:29:02] Geoff: I didn't find out my car was destroyed until well today, but I had an inkling on Friday evening that something was wrong. Yeah, or maybe Tuesday I dropped my car. Anyway, yeah, it had been there for a couple days. That's incredible. So apart from the course, things are going about like pretty normal in Jeff's world. Just wanted to give you guys an update. Well, I almost said it in bed this morning. I told Emily, I said, on the bright side, at least nothing's happened to the... And she goes, shut up! So I didn't actually say it out loud.
[0:29:34] Gavin: It's an annoying step to verify the cameras. Is it like if they swap parts, they don't work until BMW sign off on it?
[0:29:42] Geoff: I don't know. I think because it's like... It sucks. It's a... BMW like certifies their cars and the repairs and stuff, so they only work with certain body shops and then there's a... Yeah, I guess they have to like sign off on it. I don't know.
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[0:30:27] Andrew: So I might be able to turn your day around a little bit Jeff with with telling you about some victories you've had against me without even knowing it. I'm also I'm losing money to try to fight you in ways you don't even know. I'm down $80. I don't want to fight you. Why are we fighting? So this goes all the way back to when you mailed me the giant thing a bubble wrap. That was that was part one of this. You were so kind being thoughtful taking care of me why make sure I'm okay. You sent me a giant thing a bubble wrap from Amazon. So I decided that I need to return the favor because no I love giving gifts to people. It's such a great feeling. You know show somebody that you care about you love them get them something nice. So you got me the bubble wrap and I was laying in bed I couldn't sleep and I thought what would be a great gift for Jeff and then I just thought what if what is the most amount of bananas I could send Jeff at one time because you're a big banana guy you love bananas
[0:31:27] Andrew: so I hopped on
[0:31:28] Geoff: I would say I like bananas about as much as Emily likes swans
[0:31:33] Andrew: like an average amount
[0:31:35] Geoff: I'm a B minus banana fan
[0:31:38] Andrew: you're a B minus banana fan so I went on and I made an account I used the free trial for Amazon Prime on Amazon.com and they have a fresh section where it's like a grocery delivery service they have
[0:31:50] Geoff: yes I'm familiar
[0:31:50] Andrew: and I it was it was like 1am and I was like you know what these are pretty cheap they're two pounds a bag I'm gonna send Jeff a thousand pounds of bananas tomorrow I'm just gonna do this so I did it I hit send and then I went to go back to sleep again and I did this from my tablet thousand pounds I sent Jeff a thousand pounds of bananas a ton of bananas I sent five hundred two pound bags and I hit clear and then because I'm unfortunately not a bad enough person I thought about it and I was like you know what I don't I don't know what maybe something's happening in Jeff's life I don't know his schedule I didn't want it to be like Todd Margaret where all the food and all the animals take over the house like a bunch of animals and eat a thousand pounds and scatter it everywhere and just move into your home I felt really bad about it so I cancelled the order five minutes later and I went back to bed and I just went about my day and that evening
[0:32:50] Andrew: happened to be a very important family dinner that I was paying for that I was going to cover it was like this built up dinner it was very exciting I was so happy about it and I get to the place and I give them my card and they say it doesn't it's not going through and I thought oh that's weird so then I gave them my other card and they told me yeah this one isn't going through either and that's that's all the money I have so I'm like what is I don't give me a minute I'm gonna try to I gotta figure this out so I left and I had to search thankfully I had cash I never have cash I just happen to have cash I was able to pay for it but I couldn't figure out what was wrong and so I was looking at my phone and they deactivated my account because I bought so many bananas they thought it was a fraudulent charge I got a text at like 2am that I just hadn't I didn't notice and my account had been locked the entire time so then I was on hold for like 2 hours that evening trying to get them to unlock my account didn't work so I've
[0:33:50] Andrew: lost time at this point for Jeff in this issue and that fell apart it was a disaster so I was able to get the dinner everything was okay but I almost couldn't buy this really important built up dinner because I bought 500 bags of bananas to be sent to Jeff's house so that was having to explain to people like there was a moment where I thought I might not be able to get this and having to explain why it was ridiculous so then that happened some time passes we're nearing episode 100 and I thought you know what this could be a great time the way that we had to record that episode we'd have a two hour window I am gonna send Jeff like 600 I was reduced I realized so how Amazon Fresh works is let's say you want to buy a thousand bananas you put in a thousand and they'll say I can't do it but we do have 700 so I just always put in a high number and see whatever the max is so for episode 100 I thought I'm gonna do this again so I signed up for Amazon Prime again and I was getting ready to do it but then I had a thought of like well I don't know you know
[0:34:50] Andrew: what's going on with Jeff and then Jeff you had you almost quit this podcast because of the dinger video of you missing you were not happy so then I was like I cannot send this man 800 pounds of bananas this is not a good time I'm gonna just hold off on this so I held off and I hadn't thought about it until last week I'm looking at my credit card statement and I noticed a $20 charge from Amazon and I don't know what it is and I look at all my accounts I can't figure out I didn't order anything I realized I forgot to cancel the trial from episode 100 so I've been being billed $20 a month for the past three months because I just forgot to turn it off so that's I'm now down $80 in like three hours of time and I've almost ruined a family dinner then last week I don't want to get into like I had one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time just terrible so sorry buddy and I missed I missed a break shit because of it that I was going to
[0:35:50] Andrew: be on I was excited about it and I so I watched it I watched on like Saturday night and I'm having the worst week I'm just miserable not good and you took a shot at me and it hurt my feelings because of the week as a whole I was angry well
[0:36:06] Geoff: I that's how I felt with the dinger video I was at a weak point and you took a shot at me when I wasn't prepared what shot did I take I'm very
[0:36:36] Andrew: this motherfucker and I had I've just had a bad week so I thought oh you know what this guy loves he fucking loves swimming pools he loves swimming what can I do what can I do to the kindness of my heart I noticed last time I their system I could only send you a max everything had order amounts to it I couldn't go for the max I could only send you three gallons at a time and I couldn't regularly schedule it
[0:37:36] Andrew: beating me and you have no idea that this is even happening it has been infuriating one-sided losing war
[0:37:42] Geoff: oh man well for the record congratulations I think that you single-handedly are changing the way Google Amazon or Google Amazon you single-handedly are changing the way Amazon fresh works it sounds like they're having to put protections in place in the app because of you and then I have no memory of saying something I would say so I'll take your word for it
[0:38:08] Andrew: yeah I was not happy about it
[0:38:10] Geoff: are you still mad no I mean I still don't love it but I
[0:38:36] Gavin: pretty okay just been still avoiding those red new ones yeah you still not still not going to use them
[0:38:44] Geoff: I will say Andrew you sent me a lovely birthday card it was a get well soon card but it was re-skinned as a birthday card it's a banana on roller skates with a cup of coffee and a thank you for the happy birthday card and it meant a lot to me Andrew also sent me a link to a YouTube video in he just wrote out the link to the YouTube
[0:39:36] Andrew: thought process with that was I just thought it was absurd to write a link in physical form and so much work
[0:40:06] Geoff: she tried for a while and then I bet I don't know that this was ever supposed to work to begin with this might have been the whole point of the card
[0:40:15] Andrew: I thought I'll send this to Jeff I don't know maybe I'll get into maybe letter writing become a thing I get into Jeff had a little birthday
[0:40:25] Gavin: party it
[0:40:25] Andrew: was
[0:40:25] Gavin: it was quality
[0:40:26] Geoff: oh yeah happy birthday Jeff thanks man I rented a swimming pool for us and we went swimming for the day did you post any videos of that I it true he did not make an appearance are you are we waiting until
[0:41:11] Andrew: he's looking for his phone I did get this I'm very excited oh hey congratulations thank you
[0:41:21] Gavin: oh it's gonna be in the slack oh
[0:41:25] Andrew: okay yeah file size too big
[0:41:27] Gavin: it's just too powerful
[0:41:29] Andrew: I'm excited so is this you because you dove through a ring last time right was the last diving video we got of you what type of dive are we looking at here I don't even know there was that much diving that you don't even you can't recall we just dove for
[0:41:43] Geoff: like four hours straight
[0:41:43] Gavin: at one
[0:42:09] Andrew: looks like you missed the pool there we go there is the water
[0:42:12] Geoff: it's like an infinity pool with a diving pool on the other side I see it just looks like it fell off the world it does
[0:42:21] Gavin: it looks like you just vanished that should be a seven second clip I'm not sure why it's a minute long but that's that's pretty much it just like untrimmed it ah
[0:42:31] Geoff: it was fun
[0:42:32] Gavin: I I've never experienced a cheer so big in my life like we were just trying to do like funny dives after a while like diving through the rubber ring and then there were these little like ring toss hoops yeah it
[0:42:46] Geoff: was like blow up
[0:42:47] Gavin: ring toss
[0:42:48] Geoff: for like a floating flamingo
[0:42:50] Gavin: yeah and then suddenly there was just like four of them flowing in the diving area so I did a little springy dive jumped straight up the air then tried to thread both legs and both arms through the hoops and I just came crashing down on them and I couldn't really tell what happened and then I
[0:43:24] Geoff: I did I did it I was like I we'd been trying it for a while my best was two I got both legs in Emily got three two arms and a leg and then Gavin showed up and just nailed it and then he floated to the top like in
[0:43:54] Gavin: smiling and everyone around him to celebrate it felt like that moment it felt like the first freeze frame moment of my life
[0:44:00] Andrew: I would actually love to see a like strictly like looked at viewed dive of the year competition I want there to be a no I wouldn't say I enjoy falling the falling part is fun but not a dive it's the coordination the lack of coordination is really the issue with me with the dive but the jumping off of a thing always good
[0:44:36] Gavin: yeah that was my first instead of a springy one
[0:44:55] Geoff: yeah and this is like this is so I consider myself pretty familiar with diving boards I realize this is like the diving board you would find at a public pool in the 80s that's like extra springy like extra extra springy it's got like it's like twice the size of you think of a diving board in a backyard pool and you go boing boing like this is a diving board we've been I think probably illegal in the city of Austin but this is out in the fucking boonies which is why we rent it and we go out there
[0:45:54] Andrew: dive into haven't seen a single actual dive from the angle that you have
[0:45:59] Geoff: we we it was funny because I was just diving pretty much throughout the day but like everybody else had to work their way up to diving off that diving board Trevor all those guys were like I'll give it a shot eventually and then once everybody did and they realized how much fun it was you couldn't keep them off it
[0:46:14] Andrew: was
[0:46:14] Geoff: weird and I don't know what to think about it but the dream started with me on your front porch pushing your doorbell pushing the doorbell and then I push the doorbell and as soon as I push it I think why did I do that and then I must be delivering something to them and I look around and I got nothing and I did I forget it what did I forget what was I bringing am I
[0:47:14] Geoff: in bed like clearly as if it's like filtering through the house and I hear Gavin go what oh who rings a doorbell and Meg's like it's too early in the morning and he's like we're still in bed and they're just like narrating all of my fears and he's like I got it better be important and Meg's like it's not going to be important it's not going to be worth it don't go and he's like I've got to they rang the bell they wouldn't if they didn't need me and I'm like oh fuck and Gavin's like I've gotta put shoes on and I can hear him putting shoes on in the bedroom and I'm like oh fuck I'm screwed what do I do he's gonna be so mad at me Meg's gonna hate me and I'm like looking where to hide and I'm trying to hide behind a plant that's on
[0:48:21] Geoff: standing in front of your front door and I can hear you coming through the house going I just can't fucking believe it's a Saturday and Meg's like tell him to go away and I can
[0:48:51] Andrew: toilet
[0:48:51] Gavin: that's the real loss I'm surprised you didn't hear me checking the breaker no none
[0:48:57] Geoff: of that made it into the
[0:48:59] Gavin: dream
[0:48:59] Geoff: it wasn't
[0:49:00] Gavin: even you trying to turn off my morning shit
[0:49:02] Geoff: no no I didn't know why I was there and then I was so scared that I
[0:49:21] Gavin: you would never be terrified
[0:49:22] Andrew: yeah
[0:49:23] Gavin: yeah that's gonna
[0:49:25] Andrew: ask have you ever been intimidated by Gavin no anyone
[0:49:31] Geoff: ever has I hit him too hard once and I felt really bad about it but I wasn't intimidated I just really hard and it was solid and you looked at me like like
[0:49:55] Unidentified: what the fuck
[0:49:56] Geoff: I shouldn't have done that I feel bad and you shook it off but you were mad at shake it up did I get you back do you think no I don't think so oh I
[0:50:21] Gavin: wasn't that we knew about any sort of like vendor exclusive toilet so you just kind of had to get in the big line and Dan was really busting and he'd also just been slowly working his way through this bottle of vodka I think all of us had at the booth and then he decided he would just piss in that and it was like it was a pretty sizable bottle yeah he underestimated the size of his bladder and he completely brimmed this bottle and he didn't know what to do so he was like what will I do B and then he ended up with the bottle cap in one hand the bottle in the other both of his hands went up and he just had to ride it
[0:51:16] Geoff: oh man have you guys seen Jurassic Park the new one no no Emily and I saw it with our newfound time in Austin and it's not good first off and it's 100 hours long it's very long it's got some funny moments Jeff Goblin is funny there's a few it's got some terrible characters I can't I say it's about as bad fucking loud movie right and then I had been like slipping farts out all night long you know because I was real gassy and I think we had eaten Mexican food or something earlier so I was
[0:52:16] Andrew: the campies
[0:52:17] Gavin: oh okay whatever they are those things got Peter Storm there
[0:52:20] Geoff: yeah oh right right so there's a scene where that dinosaur is about to spray on I think Laura Dern maybe I don't remember one of the characters and it just gets like insanely quiet and I and it was right when that the tense moment where the dinosaur and her face each other and the movie just goes completely silent so all you nobody laughed but Emily but you heard you
[0:53:20] Geoff: could hear Emily laughing for a long time and I was like I was just trying to hold it in because if I started laughing it
[0:53:46] Gavin: using a CPAP because I did a sleep study and they were like yeah you know got a little bit of vault door and then you move the other way and it is just a regular 8 foot human door that's my nostrils with the nose around it so I got this thing going over my head and it sits under my nose and it ramps up the pressure so it detects when you fall asleep giving you like small pressure and then when you fall asleep it starts like really blasting air in and I think it's like two hours after I fall asleep I keep waking up completely
[0:54:46] Gavin: full of air it's not working right at some point I guess my throat is just going the wrong way and it is just filling my so I'm like and I do like a massive burp and I'm like oh god and then I'm like googling like my seat perhaps filling me with air and there's like oh yeah it's a pretty common thing that can happen and just like like an extended sustained 45 second fart and I'm just feeling
[0:55:46] Gavin: myself get smaller like a balloon and I'm just shrinking down as I'm farting and a lot of it is quite satisfying to get all the air out but I just don't know how to use the CPAP I don't know why it's going down my esophagus I
[0:56:08] Andrew: so
[0:56:11] Gavin: if there's any Pappas out there who have
[0:56:13] Geoff: any tips I think I think Gus and Jack both use if I'm not wrong Jack had the surgery didn't he maybe he doesn't use it him and you could see how long of a part you did oh definitely record your next bloated fart it
[0:56:48] Andrew: reminds me there is this old Kenny versus Spenny episode where it's like these two guys that do competitions and one was like who could have the biggest fart and one of them shoved a hose up his ass and would blow air into it and then walk up and have these massive farts in front isn't
[0:57:15] Geoff: it fucking bullshit that you try to do anything to make your life better and it just makes it worse like here you are you just trying to sleep better so you get a CPAP machine and then it tries to kill you yeah I'm just trying to sleep better
[0:57:27] Gavin: so if down your lungs just to stop you from stopping breathing because it can lead to strokes and all this bad crap so I'm just insurance doesn't pay for anymore and I get billed for like $2,500 for this stupid air what's basically an air pump for my gut
[0:58:19] Geoff: you pay $2,500 to be filled with air for nightly fart inflations yeah it's bullshit so money tips welcome so
[0:58:31] Andrew: you went from not having any air to way too much air you there's no middle for you
[0:58:37] Gavin: and I was hoping that more rested I'm having the most miserable nights of sleep it's all disjointed maybe two hours and I'm farting for one hour and I'm back to sleep maybe
[0:58:50] Geoff: you should try the flow the other way and stick the CPAP up your butt and try to blow the farts out the other side wow this was quite an episode we covered a lot of ground I guess we should probably stop because Nick asked us to and I respect Nick in a way that I can't Eric so let me just say Gavin for your CPAP heart revelations thank you that has benefited the deep lore of f*** immensely and Andrew I cannot overstate how important it was that you secured the tuxedo this is for Ripkins believe it because why not new lines of business there's no telling maybe we'll recreate the tuxedo shot for shot with Gavin in the tuxedo who knows the possibilities are
[0:59:50] Geoff: limitless I just did a panel about podcasting as a business and video podcasting and stuff and I used the port-a-potty as an example of how to thread merch and content together and going through all the stuff we've done with the port-a-potty and all the things we still can and potentially will do with the port-a-potty from the phone box stuffing to the record the vinyl all that stuff the tuxedo is what a great thing for the redemption year what a great thing and I'm telling you you gotta get out of Greg free card with me buddy anytime you want
[1:00:33] Andrew: I'm excited to have that I'm gonna remember that I'm gonna keep that in my pocket it's gonna be a clear thing you could have you could shut me
[1:00:41] Geoff: you could have shut me down like that could have ended the tater top thing right there you could have just been like boom
[1:00:46] Andrew: I'm excited to use that one day because I
[1:01:08] Geoff: well also we'll have the wave form of him farting and we'll be able to display that it looks
[1:01:18] Andrew: like a heart getting adrenaline shoved into it the wave form of it is massive spikes
[1:01:23] Geoff: do you think that in the like in the universe of the show the tuxedo had a CPAP in it he could have deployed whenever he needed I think he slept in it it did everything he just had to turn the dial to
[1:01:42] Andrew: CPAP I still want to mashed potato is a dance
[1:02:00] Geoff: but it could just be a fun wait it is it is but it doesn't it doesn't mean it had to be that dance
[1:02:29] Andrew: was what is it and how were they decided
[1:02:33] Geoff: all right well I guess we should probably wrap up uh thank you for listening to another episode of the f*** face podcast uh I hope you've enjoyed it this has been a lively one if you did enjoy it or maybe uh you just uh I don't know uh accepted that it happened maybe you are totally ambivalent towards it maybe you didn't even think it was a particularly good episode either way uh lie about it and tell somebody it was great and then uh give us a
[1:03:26] Unidentified: all that and more on next week's episode of f*** face
